It's hot and it's cold.
It's too fast and its mind numbingly slow.
It's painful but I feel so numb.
I feel the world withdrawing or is it me?
I am trying my best but my best isn't what it used to be.
Everyone is busy rushing around.
Rushing around makes me feel worse.
I try and cover up how I am feeling but then you say I am doing fine.
I appear to cope so well.
You don't know me.
I cry because the pain is unbearable.
I cry because I have lost sense of who I am.
I cry because I feel void and empty.
I cry because I feel alone in this.
But then I can't cry anymore because it all feels pointless and stupid.
Everything feels vain and empty.
The only thing running through my head is a big fat 'LIFE IS MEANINGLESS'
How can my life be to get up and just make it through another day of pain and agony.
To do enough that other people think everything is okay.
To cope enough.
What the hell is enough???
Right now I just need something and I don't know what.
Yes I know everyone has a lot to deal with.
I know people are coping with their own lot in life.
I know people are enjoying their happiness and their sorrow.
Don't take this the wrong way.
This is in no way directed at anyone.
This is my venting space.
This is the one thing that may keep me focused for today.