Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Frustrated - Not the normal hearts and flowers post

  • I am frustrated at the medical profession and their lack of empathy.
  • I am frustrated at the heat.
  • I am frustrated that I can't explain to anyone what I am going through.
  • I am frustrated that I am unable to keep my house the way I like it to be.
  • I am frustrated that all the tests come back "normal" when the quality of my life is anything but.
  • I am frustrated that I can't just up and run away.
  • I am frustrated that family is so far away.
  • I am frustrated with the flies and not being able to use a Robo-can this year.
  • I am frustrated with the cost of medications that seem to be a band-aid to problems not addressing why the symptoms are there.
  • I am frustrated I am losing touch with my children.
  • I am frustrated that I am changing.
  • I am frustrated that people choose not to see or help.
  • I am frustrated that the smallest task leaves me incredibly tired and fatigued.
  • I am frustrated that I am trying and yet it seems worthless at this time.
  • I am frustrated that I can't fix it, just get over it or suck it up {all of which I was good at}.
  • I am frustrated we live so far from services and the toll it take to get places, physically and financially.
  • I am frustrated enough I have to get this out, instead of keeping it to myself, which I have been doing and making no sense of things.
  • I am frustrated that my body doesn't feel like it listens to me anymore.
  • I am frustrated at all this illness {even though no one can or will name it} has taken from me.
  • I am frustrated and scared and struggling my way through this.
I know this is usually the place where you might find the beauty and sparkles of everyday life. But my reality lately is all of the above. I haven't known how to approach it and haven't known how to write without mixing the two worlds. The truth is I need somewhere to write and get these things off my chest and if you choose not to accept this part of MY blog. Please just kindly skip this post and look next to time to check if there are rainbows and butterflies again.

Somehow life does go on in the midst of our darkness and we have to try and make sense of it before it drives us crazy. We don't have the support networks and help we could have if we lived in NZ, but the reality is we couldn't afford to live there with three young children. We are doing what we can to get on our feet here in Australia and unfortunately money does play a role in all of that.

The roads that we are heading down for help for my health is extremely costly for one. We are also blessed to have found a G.P who is doing all he can to point us in the right path for help - but he is only one man. We need more help than just him.

For now I have one word and that is frustrated. It covers so much of what I am feeling and thinking. If you don't like it, that is fine, you don't have to. I am the one who lives with the reality of this everyday and if I want to be frustrated by it, I think I have earned the right.

3 comments:

  1. Whinge and moan away! It's your space, your sounding board and if it helps just one person feel your frustration or at least try to feel it - you've done them a favour.

    I am frustrated that I can't think of anything practical to do to help... So cyber hugs will have to suffice.

    LJxx

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